Memorial Words for Poppi Oso, Travis Swanson.
I remember the very first moment I saw Travis. I walked through the doors of the SAR shack to the meeting room and there was Trav in the back corner, orange beanie, green and black fleece with the campfire holes, leaning back. Smiling big. We met volunteering with Gallatin Country SAR 10 years ago. On our second date, at The Pourhouse, I gave him a lap dance to the song Wagon Wheel. By our third date it was already decided that Catsby and I would move in with him. Trav was always a caretaker and a cat guy. He always had a golden heart.
A couple years into our relationship we were having an argument in the living room of the condo. I don’t remember what it was about. But, he picked me up, threw me over his shoulder, put me in the truck and told me, ‘I’m not going to let the speedometer go below 60mph so you can’t jump out, I am gonna blow every red light and every stop sign and we’re gonna drive until you really open up and talk to me. And, if we drive till we run out of gas and you still don’t talk, we’ll get out and walk back to Bozeman together.’ He always fought for us. He always wanted me to find my voice. We made it halfway up Bridger Canyon before I cracked and began to open up.
I consider this moment of my life the great Dam breaking within me.
And, it’s because of him.
Occasionally, I would be mingling at a party or out to socialize and I’d ask someone, ‘Where’d Trav go?’ And, that’s when I would find out he had ran out for a SAR call without telling me. Soon after there would be a rushed call from him, apologizing for taking off abruptly, and telling me he loved me and that I needed to find a ride home. Trav and I talked, well, about everything, but when we talked about SAR, we talked about the deep sense to help others and details of challenging calls. Trav said to me, ‘For some reason I can just handle that stuff, I think it is my gift I can give to the world.’
And, it was one of them.
Besides caring for Char, Catsby, and I, SAR was Trav’s greatest sense of purpose.
And, it was all time volunteered.
The first time we did Granite Peak together, Trav told me, ‘It’s a really nice day hike.’ So, Trav, Joey Bear, and I climbed Granite and accidently climbed Tempest Peak as well in 23 hours and 12 ginger meltdowns. He supported me throughout. Never caring if we summitted, only that we challenged ourselves, spent time in the mountains, and felt loved.
At home we were opposites of our public selves. I was the quiet one and he was so talkative and silly and playful. Once, he was acting like a cat at the house and looked up at me, straight into my eyes, and just said, ‘No one would ever believe you.’
Trav wrote me love letters.
Every single thing he did was for me.
Trav and I made it a practice to go back and forth each year with a big goal. One year he would train and focus, often for Denali, and I had the chance to support and the next year we would flip flop. Back and forth consciously as pusher and supporter. Both enjoying both roles. Give. Take. Encourage. Grow. Endure. Love.
Trav and Joe did have the chance to finally stand on top on the continent. And, then, they aided in three separate crevasse rescues as they came down the mountain.
We talked so much, endlessly, about everything. We often spoke of how much we loved one another and how we couldn’t believe we had found each other. We’d talk about energy and love, how if energy can’t be created or destroyed, then we must have loved one another for thousands of lifetimes. In all sorts of different relationships our love grew. We talked about how maybe, some lifetimes, we didn’t find one another and that taught us a deep loneliness and empathy and then how to better connect, give, and love.
I have all sorts of notes from Trav, this one titled, “What do I Really Want,” from January 2018.
1. Freedom
Life free of financial worry (that’s why he worked so hard)
2. Love
Love Blair and myself
3. Connection
to the World + to Friends
4. Adventure
Travel abroad + at home
5. Learn
People
Trav didn’t attempt to simplify the complex, instead he asked of himself and then encouraged others to see wider, feel deeper, say what needed to be said, work relentlessly, listen hard, and love harder to welcome the complexity in.
Trav was limitlessly multifaceted and multidimensional. He fit no fucking mold. He was filled with such a depth of love it produced it’s own weight, it’s own pull, and you could *feel* his love, we all could. And, he gave so much to the people in his life. But, he gave all the love, all of himself to me, from day one. And, then he taught me to trust, open up, find my voice, and give the same limitless love back to him. He was always encouraging me to expand. The chance to love Trav was the chance to experience the richest life, externally and internally, that I couldn’t even imagine before I met him.
Two years ago I had the chance to promise a few words to Trav. I promised to cherish, and to celebrate, and to advocate for his giving and golden heart. Then, this week, always, that is what I will do.
I love you, Poppi Oso.
I always have, I always will.