Always Have, Always Will
Always have, always will.
I am grateful for fancy cameras, video cameras, smartphones, letters, cards, notes, voicemails, dreams, visions, and any moment of crossed connections with you.
Records.
Records of Our Hearts.
My feet softly whomp, push in the snow, as I run in soft melody behind Char. I let my mind float. I once thought the Big Bang was the beginning. But, I am not so sure now. I listened to a man speak, he said if there was infinite time before the Big Bang and infinite time after, wouldn’t there be parts of the universe where the future is the past and the past is the future? Sometimes, when I fall in line behind Char, left foot, right foot, whomp, swoosh, plant, I hope, I hope, I hope we are meeting in reverse somewhere.
.evoL yM, iH
Or, maybe, if the universe was born in such perfection (low entropy, high order), yet somehow chaos and collision were still born. Those brothers and sisters of malady, they destroy + yet still they help the beauty of life fight for existence. Birth. I use to think that was the greatest beauty of the universe, life, she had been fighting for 13.7 billion years to exist. Fucking Life, you bad bitch.
A perfect universe born, makes you ask, are there others? Or, is it Yggdrasil, the Norse tree connecting each of us and them and us. I feel all trees so differently now.
Sometimes, when I am driving I tilt my head up and ask, “Is this a simulation?!?!” Charlotte raises one eyebrow at me.
Alright, ok, I know, you showed me: It’s larger than any science or any religion. Or, Science or Religion. We meet where infinite love meets infinite space, unheld by the illusion of time. Space can move in any direction, theoretically time moves in one but she isn’t even a law of physics. A woman attempted to interrogate me asking ‘How much longer till the view?!’ when we were skiing, I didn’t even slow down, just yelled back, “Time is an illusion that only makes you pant!” Those sweet inticing, maybe there is meaning in them cosmos expand but there is so much more, within. Heart Realm. Soul Realm.
I am so uncertain of so many uncertainties. It often feels like I only know one truth.
I have always loved you + I will always love you.